She's JV to your varsity
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
