so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
