i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
