Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
