My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
