don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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