She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
