it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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