There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
