Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
