Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
