we have officially lost it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
