I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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