Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
