so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize