we're chasing vodka with high fives
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
