are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
