One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
