are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
