With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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