woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
