she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he fucked my hip out of place.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
