Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
