ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
