she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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