Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm too high and old for this...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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