i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
