sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
