I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize