Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
