Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
