my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I want a musical about memes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
