We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
