doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize