Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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