did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Pants are for mortals
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
