I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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