I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
