Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
