I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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