I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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