I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
