I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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