I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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