just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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