I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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