Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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