the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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