Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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