Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
