FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There's always time for handjobs
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
