Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
