I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
