Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
