Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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