turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
