I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
