As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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