so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
