I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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