i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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