I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
