I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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