I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
