Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
