I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
His nipple licking is glorious
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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