Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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