I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You ate ashes out of my bong
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
